Author: Amy
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When Betrayal Changes the Meaning of Home
One of the hardest parts of betrayal is that it doesn’t only change the relationship. It changes the feeling of home. Sometimes that’s literal. You walk through the same rooms, sleep in the same bed, sit at the same kitchen table, and everything feels different. Your body senses the change before your mind can fully make sense of it. What… Read more
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Midlife, Betrayal, and the Questions We Never Expected to Ask
I turned 50 this year. I haven’t quite decided how I feel about that. Fifty feels young in some ways and old in others. Enough years have passed that I’ve lived a lot of life, and yet, if I’m fortunate, there is still a lot of life ahead of me. What I’ve noticed, both personally and professionally, is that many women experience betrayal during this… Read more
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You Are More Than Your Protective Parts
In the first article in this series, 1: Understanding the Different Parts of You After Betrayal, we explored the idea that many of the conflicting emotions and reactions that emerge after betrayal are actually different parts of ourselves trying to help us survive. In the second article, 2: The Protective Parts That Show Up After Betrayal, we took a closer look… Read more
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The Protective Parts That Show Up After Betrayal
If you’ve ever looked at yourself after betrayal and thought, “I don’t like who I’ve become,” I want you to know something important. The version of you that checks phones, asks questions repeatedly, struggles to trust, over-functions, withdraws, becomes angry, or shuts down didn’t appear out of nowhere. These reactions often aren’t signs that you’re broken. They’re signs that you’ve been hurt. Understanding Protective Parts In Internal Family Systems… Read more
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Understanding the Different Parts of You After Betrayal
If you’ve experienced betrayal trauma, you may have noticed something confusing happening inside of you. One part of you wants to set firm boundaries. Another part longs for closeness and reconciliation. One part feels intense anger. Another feels guilty for being angry. A hopeful part dreams of repair, while another wants to run as far away as possible. If… Read more
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Why You Still Feel Stuck After Betrayal (Even When Things Are “Better”)
If you’ve been on this journey for a while, you already understand how betrayal impacts your sense of safety. You’ve felt your body stay on edge, your thoughts race, and the constant uncertainty that comes with it. That part makes sense. What many people don’t expect is what happens next. As the immediate threat begins… Read more
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Why Hard Conversations Go Wrong After Betrayal (And What to Do Instead)
There’s something important I teach my clients: Not every moment is the right moment to have a hard conversation. There’s a concept in trauma research called the Window of Tolerance. It describes the state where your nervous system is regulated enough to think clearly, stay connected, and respond rather than react. When you’re inside your window, you… Read more
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Should I Stay or Leave After Betrayal? Why You Don’t Need to Decide Right Away
One of the most common questions I hear is this: “Should I stay, or should I go?” It’s rarely asked calmly. It’s usually asked in the middle of shock, fear, anger, or exhaustion. And when your nervous system is inflamed, everything feels urgent. After betrayal, your body wants relief. Relief from the anxiety, the scanning,… Read more
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Why Conflict Can Still Feel Unsafe After Betrayal (Even in a Healthy Relationships)
There’s something I want to share that might help you make sense of your experience. There are still moments when Danny gets angry about something small, and my nervous system doesn’t respond to the small, it responds to history. His tone shifts, his voice gets louder, and even if what he’s saying isn’t threatening, my body… Read more
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The Word We Don’t Want to Name: Anguish
There’s a word I keep coming back to lately.A word that doesn’t show up in everyday conversation, but when it does, it lands like a punch to the chest. Anguish. Brené Brown writes in Atlas of the Heart that anguish is not just sorrow. It is “an almost unbearable trauma that leaves us changed. It… Read more