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One of the hardest parts of betrayal is that it doesn’t only change the relationship. It changes the feeling of home.  Sometimes that’s literal.  You walk through the same rooms, sleep in the same bed, sit at the same kitchen table, and everything feels different. Your body senses the change before your mind can fully make sense of it. What… Read more

I turned 50 this year. I haven’t quite decided how I feel about that. Fifty feels young in some ways and old in others. Enough years have passed that I’ve lived a lot of life, and yet, if I’m fortunate, there is still a lot of life ahead of me.  What I’ve noticed, both personally and professionally, is that many women experience betrayal during this… Read more

In the first article in this series, 1: Understanding the Different Parts of You After Betrayal, we explored the idea that many of the conflicting emotions and reactions that emerge after betrayal are actually different parts of ourselves trying to help us survive.  In the second article, 2: The Protective Parts That Show Up After Betrayal, we took a closer look… Read more

If you’ve ever looked at yourself after betrayal and thought, “I don’t like who I’ve become,” I want you to know something important.  The version of you that checks phones, asks questions repeatedly, struggles to trust, over-functions, withdraws, becomes angry, or shuts down didn’t appear out of nowhere.  These reactions often aren’t signs that you’re broken. They’re signs that you’ve been hurt.  Understanding Protective Parts  In Internal Family Systems… Read more

If you’ve experienced betrayal trauma, you may have noticed something confusing happening inside of you. One part of you wants to set firm boundaries. Another part longs for closeness and reconciliation. One part feels intense anger. Another feels guilty for being angry.  A hopeful part dreams of repair, while another wants to run as far away as possible.  If… Read more

There’s a word I keep coming back to lately.A word that doesn’t show up in everyday conversation, but when it does, it lands like a punch to the chest. Anguish. Brené Brown writes in Atlas of the Heart that anguish is not just sorrow. It is “an almost unbearable trauma that leaves us changed. It… Read more

When betrayal hits, the questions can feel endless: What else don’t I know? Who else was involved? Were you ever faithful? This is the exhausting cycle of trickle truth — when small pieces of information surface over time. Each new discovery retraumatizes the betrayed partner and keeps both people stuck. A Full Therapeutic Disclosure is… Read more

I remember the night I found out. I was standing in the kitchen, holding myself upright, feeling nauseous in a house that suddenly didn’t feel like mine anymore. My husband was leaving. Not by choice. I was making him. And just as he was about to walk out the door, he turned and said,“You don’t… Read more

If you’ve ever shared your pain and heard someone respond with: …I want to say: that’s not helpful and it’s not how trauma healing works. Trauma isn’t something you can logic your way out of.You don’t get to “just decide” to feel safe again.You can’t force trust or numb your nervous system into peace. When… Read more

If you’ve ever found yourself thinking: You are not alone. The Disorienting Nature of Sex Addiction Sex addiction is one of the most disorienting things to face, especially when you’re the partner left in the wreckage of secrecy, betrayal, and double lives. Why? Because it doesn’t look like the addictions we’ve been taught to recognize.… Read more