How Shame Keeps You Stuck in Addiction—and How to Break Free in Recovery

“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.”
— Brené Brown

Shame plays a powerful role in addiction—and it doesn’t just disappear in recovery.
In fact, shame might be the loudest voice you hear when you’re finally trying to get better.

Shame in Addiction

When we’re deep in our addiction, shame tells us:
“You’ll never change.”
“This is just who you are.”
“No one would accept you if they knew the truth.”

So, we hide. We lie. We isolate. We cope the only way we know how—by going back to the behavior we swore we’d quit.

Shame in Recovery

Here’s the twist: shame doesn’t leave once you stop the behavior.
In recovery, shame just changes its message.

Now it says:
“You don’t deserve a better life.”
“People like you don’t get better.”
“Your partner will never see you any other way.”

It keeps you stuck in the past—even when you’re doing the work to move forward.

My Story: From Shame to Worthiness

It took me a long time to believe I could actually live a different kind of life.
Even when I was sober, even when I was doing the work—there were days I still didn’t feel worthy of the change I was creating.

But here’s what I know now:
You can recover. You can change. And you’re worth the work.

When shame tells you otherwise, remind yourself:
That voice isn’t your future.
It’s your addict trying to keep you small.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Healing happens in safe spaces.
That’s why I lead the “Help. Her. Heal.” men’s group—a place for men in recovery who are learning to rebuild trust, take responsibility, and show up differently in their lives and relationships.

If you’re ready to let go of shame and take the next step, I invite you to join us.

And if you’re just getting started and need more immediate support, check out Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) to find a local or virtual meeting near you.